June 10, 303.5 20 pounds down!

And just like that, I'm 20 pounds down!

After everything I write yesterday about resisting temptation, yesterday was baked goods day, our baker brought in chocolate chip cookies and chocolate frosted rice krispies treats.  I resisted for a while but the rk treats looked and smelled so good I decided to cut one in half, but I didn't have a knife so I took a small one.  In case it made a difference, I chose to skip snack to accommodate the rice krispie treat.  By the way it was marvelous.

Anyway I don't have time to continue this, but celebration!

June 9, 305.1

Let's be clear, 305.1 is the highest of the numbers my scale rolled through just now.  Yesterday I was having a conversation in my head when I suddenly realized how close I am to being able to say I've lost 20 pounds!  All of a sudden after feeling stuck at only 6 pounds lost for so long.  I can't really tell where it's gone from right now.  Like I said recently, I recently read that it's the hard internal abdominal fat around the organs that disappears first, which I'd love.  Some time ago recently I stated that I imagined I felt less fatty in the neck area, but I can't be sure.  Just now I had my hand on my buttcheek and imagined maybe it felt different, smaller.  Last night I twisted at the waist and imagined it felt easier, freer.  I squeeze my belly fat and think it feels more squishy than it did when I started.  I haven't noticed for sure that any clothes feel different.  My umbilical mass is still there and I still don't know what it is.

I look forward to being able to report 20 pounds weight loss!  But more important to be able to report that I weigh under 300 pounds, when I'll feel better about making my doctor appointment.  When the genie lift that refused to lift me last year will presumably choose to lift me, not that we work there anymore.

My diet involves meal planning.  A diet full of veggies, small portions of meat, low-fat dairy, fruits, and whole grains.  Generally no cake or cookies or candy but I am usually thrilled with the fruit or yogurt.  I do not do a good enough job reporting these foods to Lifesum so I can know how many calories I eat.  I'll try to do that today.  I get the meals from the diet I did at the beginning of this blog back in 2009.  I have a lot of food prep to do today to get me through the weekend, and I guess grocery store on Monday to stay adherent.  This week I've been having more microwave meals with salads (and this delicious French-style yogurt called 'oui.'). Next week maybe I can cook more.  After having had that impromptu cheat the other day of a little cookies and candy, I was offered a Klondike bar yesterday from someone I'd very much like to receive treats from and had to just say "thank you" while watching all the guys grab one.  Unfortunately I can't just accept ice cream whenever offered and hope to maintain adherence to a weight loss regimen.  It's not that I can't eat ice cream.  I just have to be in control of when it happens, like once a week.

June 8, 306.8

Decided to claim 306.8 today, it's what felt right to me today after my multiple scale stands.  That would mean I'm at a new low weight.  Time will tell if I am continuing to lose weight.  I read that the first weight you lose is the hard fat around your organs.  I love that!  Concern about that was a major instigator for starting this diet now.  I hope that hard organ-blocking fat is dripping away, hope my blood pressure is going down

June 7, 308.9?

Hi!  I downloaded the app so I can update you even if I have to run out the door in a rush to work in the morning.  This morning I seemed to weigh 308.9.  But I also started my period.  2 days ago I guess, after having reached the end of the day and still had no dinner, I chose to cheat and eat a handful of Oreos.  But the Oreos were gone and so I had done other cookies instead, and some chocolate.  So that was my cheat.  Still hanging on, although this schedule is rough, I've been relying on microwave meals through it.  After today I plan to cook some more.

So I had a cheat day and I started my period.  Maybe now my weight can drop down again before I go on this family reunion.  I don't know if I can hope to see 299 before I have to go tech an Opera.

June 5, 308?

 Though the scale swung as low as 301, and stopped at times at 306.8, it also stopped at least once at 310, and it stopped a couple of times at 308.0 so that's what I chose to report.  Even though it would be a disappointing increase, it would not be unexpected.  Anyway, if I was really 306.8 or really a loss, and it continues, it will show up in the scale in the near future.  It is very possible I need to do a cheat day, I just can't ever decide to do it "today."  I still want to lose weight more, and fear sabotaging it with a cheat day.  I also don't want to waste a cheat day.

It's hard to keep up.  Work is keeping me very busy, and staying up late preparing and packing my meals for work the next day.  Don't think, just do.  Speaking of which, I have to get dressed and go to work.  Thankfully just for 5 hours, but I slept all day after staying up until morning this morning, there will be precious few hours between my reprieve tonight and my return all day tomorrow.

June 2, 307.2?

 Today I stood on the scale a couple handfuls of times.  It stopped at 307.2 3 of those times and that felt like a reasonable reduction that would save me the pain I'm sure that I'm due from too much weight loss.  One day the measurement will be too high.  Unless I'm really losing weight.  I tried to get a more official weight by going to the YMCA and standing on the medical scale they have in the women's locker room, but it was flawed and after futzing with it, my best reading was about 313.  That's still lower than it's been.  I wonder how long it would take, if I were able to maintain tenacity to this diet, to get under 300 pounds.  Then I would feel comfortable going to the doctor and proving I am really finally trying and succeeding at losing weight.  I have a couple of friends on Facebook who have had the gastro surgery and are showing that mad success.  I have another friend who did it years ago and he could have been 500 pounds for all I know, he was very big, and he lost all of it and has regained some, like you do, but not all of it.  He, for sure, I approved of him getting that surgery.  He really needed it.  The other two I'm not as sure but I don't question it so much.  I wonder if I should have done it sometimes.  The idea of having my guts permanently cut out sounds untenable to me.  But my dad, after esophageal cancer, has had his whole esophagus taken out and his stomach pulled up to his throat like a new esophagus.  He lost a lot of weight and had a hard time regaining.  Then even he started to look almost pudgy, until he got these latest teeth problems making it harder for him to eat again.

Anyway I was good today.  I turned down an ice cream sandwich.  I even refused to enjoy a mint that someone gave me without my even realizing it was happening.  People are throwing food at me!  Today they talk about Baby Ruth and I find myself wanting a Baby Ruth.  I want a yogurt.  But so far I am good.

Problem is I have no time to go to the grocery store.  At this point I think I'm going to order grocery delivery.  Have to get through next week.  Then there *will* be an interruption when I go to the family reunion on the Outer Banks.  We'll call that cheat weekend.  It's 2 weeks away, though, I might should have a cheat before then.  I am excited about my current weight loss, though, and hesitate to counteract it.

I haven't been able to tell that my clothes fit any differently, but today I did find myself running my hands around my neck and thinking it felt less fatty there.  That's a great place to lose weight, and one of the last places I remember gaining and thinking "this is awful".  I don't like the feel of my jaw fat and my chest fat forming a fold - gross.  But that's how it's been for me in this reclining position for a while.  Not so much tonight, I think possibly.

Though it's too much to ask, I hope hope hope I weigh even less tomorrow.

June 1, 308?

 The situation with my scale has become untenable, but this last time I tried it stopped at 308.0 several times, and that was enough under yesterday's weight to seem reasonable and not set me up for miserableness of a weight gain today or later.  Yesterday I ate only breakfast before going to work, and then lunch when I got home, and then, much later, an unplanned cheat of 2 squares of chocolate, but I guess if you're going to have an unplanned cheat it should be 2 squares of chocolate after a large weight loss on a day that you've only eaten two of your 3 meals + snack.  That's all I have time for, I stayed in bed too long again and need to cook tofu to take with me to work tonight.