June 27, 210

Today I can't seem to make the scale show less than 210. I will have to weigh-in at 210. I am hovering. At least I'm not 217. My adherence to the diet is not strict this week. Most noticeably to my memory, there was Thursday when I worked from 9a.m. to 1 a.m. setting up for a concert - in 98-degree weather, sweating all day and laying out and pulling tons of heavy cable - and the day was catered - and I ate healthy but also had Gatorade and Klondike bars. Also Friday I was hungry at snack time and had too much bean dip and tortilla chips, then also a popsicle. And yesterday, while I had a good breakfast and lunch, in the evening I was with my Dad on an out-of-town trip and we had a sandwich from a restaurant for dinner and also a drink. Perhaps those three days in a row (despite the exercise) account for my failure to reduce this week, or at least for today (there's always the sodium-induced water-weight factor).

It is possible that for the coming month I will have more control over my time which I think will help. We'll see.

Actually - thinking about it - it's now almost July 2010. I first hit 220 last November. Ok, I did gradually get down to 201 before climbing back up to 210. But definitely the weight loss has not been what it was last summer. I wonder if I have it in me to do another "sprint." Or if I'd rather just take the turtle's route.

Jun 22, 209.5

I am preparing to quit ediets. Eradicating that $18/month charge for the ediets plan, although adding $20/month for the new internet my roommate decided to get even though we were doing just fine mooching off the neighbors' wi-fi - until their wifi went out for a few days in a row.

Anyway - I decided that I could make breakfast and lunch and snack easy enough, and then pull out a recipe for dinner that could last me 4 days or so in a row with leftovers. I still have to keep up with the meal planning, I guess, and calorie counting now becomes more important than ever. Right now I'm at 1800-1900 calories per day with the understanding that I should be exercising 5 days per week. Out of a book today I gathered that my maintenance calories should clock in at around 2600 (!!!) and that my goal weight might be around 170-175 if I stay on the high end for me to account for my muscularity.

So I used my gift card from Christmas to buy some cookbooks and now it's just a matter of making the commitment. It shouldn't be too huge a deal to quit since I can always rejoin if things get desperate.

It should be interesting to see if I can keep this up on my own :-) I really only use ediets for the meal planning and grocery list, and honestly it is a somewhat arduous process anyway and it might actually be easier for me to do it myself as long as I commit to doing it and don't get slack.

More good news is that my roommate is also dieting now. We're not doing it together - but it's just nice to know that she's on a parallel path and dealing with some of the same issues. She doesn't have a credit card so she is very focused on staying within a grocery budget and she's not following a prescribed meal plan or anything, just trying to make better choices and track her calories and stuff, so that will be a good influence on me as I make this transition.

More on the good news front - 1800-1900 calories isn't a strain anymore, and I'm not tempted to eat sweets. I *think* about Subway cookies, but then remember I am on a mission. This morning waiting for my egg substitute to solidify, I looked at the box of corn flakes and thought about eating a bowl of cereal in addition to my breakfast, but then I realized that I was just hungry and that eggs and cheese and 2 pieces of toast would stuff me let alone additional butter and fruit! And sure enough - after breakfast I was stuffed and thought about my silly cereal idea.

Now tomorrow I have to pack up food to take with me on my day. And then Thursday -well Thursday I face a real challenge because I'll be working in 95-degree heat for many many hours on end, starting at 8 a.m. and ending at midnight and there will be excellent catering. I'm not going to bother packing food to take in - I will take advantage of the catering. I did this last week (or the week before?) and the catering is healthy but my control was not great. Maybe now things will be a bit different since, as I said in the previous paragraph, my appetite and cravings may have changed. Then again, that could be merely due to some kind of digestive issues I was having today.

June 20 weigh-in - 208

Ok, I dropped from 217 to 208 in like 4 days. That's crazy to me even for water weight. But welcome. I'm on 1800-1900 calories per day and I've been hungry! But I've been able to tolerate it. Now, I did cheat by having a slice of raspberry cheesecake when it was there one day, and last night went drinking. But I've been attentive and adherent to my eating plan otherwise. Exercise - well, one day I tried a new yoga vid but it turned out to be a set for relaxing for bed. For weight loss it was probably not so useful, but for total health it was okay - I think my body needs a little rolling. And I did one Jillian session. Today I'm not exercising because of last night's drinking. And I'm devoting my day to Dad so what he wants to do goes - but maybe I can encourage some activity.

My goal is still 192 so that's 16 pounds to lose. At 2 pounds a week maybe I can hope to get there by August 15! I'm still mostly just looking forward to weighing less than 200 pounds - I got so close ::wistful::

Okay, I can't think of anything else to say - I guess that's mostly it. Just trying to secure myself onto the wagon.

June 17, 213

I fell off the wagon again. Work got in the way again. I know that there's no reason I shouldn't be able to maintain decent calorie intakes when I'm working, if I want to. Though it is harder in the middle of the night. But it seems I need to maintain vigilence in my attitude, because I do not naturally restrain from overeating. Sucks.

Anyway - work slowed enough for me to get on top of things again with a week of planned meals and a trip to the grocery store and getting the dishes washed so I have tupperware to pack it all in. Yesterday was Day 1. Today I already lost 4 pounds of that excess water. I have a new goal to get to 192 in 10 weeks. That might be ambitious at this weight but I think it can be done, and it's just a goal to keep me motivated, not an unbreakable law. My calorie level is upped to 1800-1900 calories per day because I am determined to incorporate more exercise. My exercises of choice are yoga, hiking, walking/running, Jillian's 30-Day Shred, the elliptical, and the recumbent bike. I did 4 days of the 30-Day Shred back in May and was actually already seeing results - but then that all stopped. This morning I want to do yoga. Before breakfast. Which I am hungry for.

I've had a lot of "fresh starts" lately so I hope that I can really commit over the summer and make some headway before the fall season brings more business.

I still have other goals and desires, too, now, that compete with the diet and exercise.

May 22, 205

I have been a good girl since my last post, but I am disappointed not to have seen a reduction on the scale yet. I am still 205. I would be happy with 204! Oh, well. Don't worry, I'm not even close to thinking about "throwing my hands up and giving up" or nothing - it's only been a few days. And I've been barely moving all week. But yesterday I got up and pounded out 50 minutes of walking on a disc golf course, so I guess I hoped a little bit that that would show me something less than 205 today.

On the positive front, I have looked at my schedule for the coming months and work looks light. Considering I want money this is not good. But considering I want plenty of time and and even keel to focus on my weight loss, this is good. One difference, though, between this summer and last summer is that this summer there are possibly more friends to make social demands on my time. That was a burden I didn't have last summer.

God, hopefully by the end of the summer I'll get under 200 pounds. I mean, I'm tired of hoping to get under 200 pounds. Sick of it!! Lol - I know, then I should have stuck to the diet, then. hahaha :-/

May 20, 205

Hi. It's been a while. I'm not even going to check and see how long it's been since I've even signed in to blogger. I hope everyone is having excellent success with their missions. I made it through my intense work period and am gradually (very gradually) getting back into the swing of things. I started back on the meal plan a couple days ago (this is day 3) and am doing well. I have veered from the plan but stayed in control. Feelings of withdrawal and restriction gave way to a familiar sense of moderation and satisfaction with less. Instead of going into the kitchen and grabbing up a full bowl of cereal and wildly piecing together a fast breakfast, I'm enjoying measured and sensible oatmeal and turkey bacon. When I'm caught with "my pants down" so to speak, I make considered and sensible substitutions to the meal plan. Keep meaning to return to exercise but haven't yet - too much time with my laptop is mostly responsible for that, just not clicking the little X in the top right corner. I haven't been weighing myself much over the past few weeks but I have seen weights as high as 209. After one day on the diet, water weight must have come off and now I am 205. That's really impressive, actually, not much of an increase at all, when you consider how I've been living. Now it seems I am back on plan, so that's also encouraging, that I can bring myself back when I've gone over the edge. I actually began to get worried about that. I physiologically changed inside. I forgot what eating well looked and felt like. My eating whims changed. I ate at restaurants. That could be nice sometimes, but not exclusively. I was back to the way I was before I started this plan. I can't explain it.

I went shopping last night on a whim. I was so excited about my size 16 gorgeous mini dress (I think I took a picture - I'll try to post it) that I wore to the Opera the other day, and the other dresses I tried on that had looked so good. Well last night, the clothes were crappy and they looked bad on me and I didn't feel at all good about my appearance. I really want to get into an exercise routine now, too, to improve as well as I can my flabby sack of skin!

Okay, so, what was that number again? Oh yeah, 198. Whew, still looking down at 198. Haha!

Uh - What happened?

Four weeks was going to be so easy - ha!! I thoroughly underestimated the combined power of the Extremely Intense Work Week and the Big Menses. Everything went to hell. It was as if I've never been dieting at all. It's been really hard and really intense - I really took on too much and I'm still trying to catch my body and peace of mind up. The suffering is almost over and I can start my 4-week strict adherence again soon. I think that by now, sticking to the diet might actually feel restrictive again. I'd better to learn to love it soon. I have a little time tonight to relax and I want to read and watch a Buffy episode (I'm trying to watch the series while it's free on hulu - I know so many people who love it and I never watched it.)

When I have anything to report, I'll let you know. I still want to get down to 198, but I'm definitely further from it now than I was. I also need to regain control of my appetite - it feels like I need to relearn what I knew so recently. Here's hoping I'm not overconfident about my ability to hop back on the wagon!!

Oh, by the way - my hair that fell out last year has started growing back in - it's so shaggy around my scalp I look horrible. Oh, well!