Sunday, June 5, 2011

245 ugh

My show has previewed. I'm all but done with it. I woke up yesterday morning, my first day off, with a scratchy tingly sensation in my throat which I hoped would dissolve away if I got up and moved around, but instead the longer I was out and about, the more my discomfort grew. The first day off-duty and I got sick. I didn't feel like I was pounding myself into the ground on this one, most of the time. Sleeping in, seemingly beyond my control to push myself up and out the door, I worked late nights. I did not take time to pack meals. I didn't know when I'd be awake or asleep and was confused about when that would mean I'd eat breakfast or dinner. But mostly, I used comfort food. There were many days in a row there that I ate a LOT, careening willingly into one of those Meredith Baxter Birney binges, using food to escape stress, eating junk food and fast food because that's what was available... I felt some relief at seeing that, as the stress of the deadline passed, my appetite restored to something far more moderate and normal.

Now the show is all but open, it's in previews, and I haven't yet started taking on new work. I need to focus on myself for a hot minute before I go to the next thing. Yesterday I managed to get some cleaning and administrative stuff done. Then I went out to shop for some pants to work in this summer - I really want some pants, capris, or shorts with big extra pockets. Everywhere I went I saw people wearing shorts and pants like this, yet I couldn't find any for me. So I think I'm going to actually order online - which I hate, I've never yet kept a garment that I've ordered from the internet, it's just been a pain to have to return, and get a refund but pay for postage.

So anyway, this morning I weigh 245, which is the maximum I've seen over the past week. 245! 245!! That really makes me feel awful, really. I thought I might weigh less after not eating so much the past day and over the past days and after peeing so much since last night. I would love to exercise, but the swelling in my throat tells me it's probably not a good idea to exert myself right now. >:-P Nevertheless, I will create another week's meal plan and make some plans.