Tuesday, July 20, 2010

July 20, 215

There it is, today's weight is 215. Last time I weighed myself was 2 weeks ago at 205. Don't worry, people, someone made the comment that I must feel bad about myself. I don't feel bad about myself. There are more important things in life than losing weight with constant success! I was lucky - I lost 70-80 pounds last year and got to ride that ride, and it was a great ride! But I always knew things would slow down. One thing's for sure, I'm really dependent on meal plans. Last time I was posting here I was talking about unsubscribing from ediets but I know I can't do that right now until I make my own meal plans successfully as a way of life. When faced with open-ended eating without a plan, I get baffled, I really do.

I'm still overwhelmed with work stress, and life's kind of a drag right now. Had to get up early to go in at 4:00 and get some work done this morning on one show and the other show is breathing down my neck, too. Nevertheless, when the time came to leave this morning, I popped over to the gym for a quick swim to remind my body about exercising and my mind that it's not that hard to fit in 30 minutes of movement.

Monday, July 19, 2010

picking myself back up again

Hey. I haven't been posting because I haven't at all been on plan. I have been on no plan. I haven't even been weighing myself. I was sick and then I was busy with work and had a week-long obsession with a computer game. I'll be so happy when next week's dance show is past. I am not well-made for freelancing, it seems, at this time in my life.

But, I did have some time off today and went to the grocery store. I have been off-plan for so long now I don't really remember what on plan feels like. Again. :-) But I can tell you that off-plan (better to call it no-plan) kinda sucks a bit. I don't feel nearly as good in comparison.

I hate to think about how exercisey I was before I got sick and how different it is now. Just a couple days can changing your habits can make a real difference in how you feel, and a couple weeks begins to make it seem more normal, easier to embrace.

I feel a bit of a need to go back to being strident for a while. Start again on the same path I probably posted about last time I was here - to get to 182, wasn't it? To definitely push to under 200 pounds. Using exercise and meal planning. And go off the sweets again for a while. Three months isn't so long to push past the barrier, and then think of the benefits.

I'm working now with a director who I suppose hasn't seen me since I weighed a lot more, so he gushed a little bit about my weight loss. I don't get the reaction so much anymore and when I do, I feel a little weird since I just gained 10 pounds pigging out on candy bars! Several years ago he also began battling the bulge and lost a bunch of weight, and you can tell he struggles to keep it off because sometimes he has gained some back and no matter how much he works out or eats lettuce, he's just the pudgy body type. Anyway, he was a sympathetic soul is what I'm getting at.

And I've remembered - as I feel my side rolls pudging out into my arms a little more - what it felt like to feel my body reducing on a daily basis. Definitely strange and wonderful. It was due to determination. I can do that again.

Friday, July 2, 2010

July 2, 206

Oh, don't we all love getting sick and losing weight! I got sick and am down 2 or 3 pounds to 206. I've done a lot of sleeping and sweating. I went straight off the diet and started downing fruit juices and V8s (calories and sugars notwithstanding) and all the fruit (canned and fresh) I could scarf up. Also a bunch of chocolate bars that were on sale and some KFC but I couldn't really taste the joy in any of that because my sense of taste is off, but I ate it anyway and now I understand why - not because of my illness but because I was about to get my period. You'd think I'd learn to anticipate things like that - lol. It didn't even occur to me. There was one time I tracked my period for a year or more. It had suddenly become regular when it had never been at all regular before, so I was fascinated. Eventually I stopped keeping track, and started thinking I wasn't quite so regular anymore. Anyway, I added an iPod app for tracking your menstrual cycle and was actually startled to see that (after only one entry last month) it had guessed that I would start my period yesterday, just exactly when I did! Now you regular women out there are saying "big effing deal" but I have never considered myself to be normal, especially in terms of my sexuality. I just am always surprised that I work just exactly the way women are supposed to.

Anyway - I finally got started transcribing some menus into a menu planner for myself so I can break from ediets - it may take me a couple months and I'm not starting this week after all. I am still too sick to exercise sadly but I will make a trip to the grocery store.