Monday, July 19, 2010

picking myself back up again

Hey. I haven't been posting because I haven't at all been on plan. I have been on no plan. I haven't even been weighing myself. I was sick and then I was busy with work and had a week-long obsession with a computer game. I'll be so happy when next week's dance show is past. I am not well-made for freelancing, it seems, at this time in my life.

But, I did have some time off today and went to the grocery store. I have been off-plan for so long now I don't really remember what on plan feels like. Again. :-) But I can tell you that off-plan (better to call it no-plan) kinda sucks a bit. I don't feel nearly as good in comparison.

I hate to think about how exercisey I was before I got sick and how different it is now. Just a couple days can changing your habits can make a real difference in how you feel, and a couple weeks begins to make it seem more normal, easier to embrace.

I feel a bit of a need to go back to being strident for a while. Start again on the same path I probably posted about last time I was here - to get to 182, wasn't it? To definitely push to under 200 pounds. Using exercise and meal planning. And go off the sweets again for a while. Three months isn't so long to push past the barrier, and then think of the benefits.

I'm working now with a director who I suppose hasn't seen me since I weighed a lot more, so he gushed a little bit about my weight loss. I don't get the reaction so much anymore and when I do, I feel a little weird since I just gained 10 pounds pigging out on candy bars! Several years ago he also began battling the bulge and lost a bunch of weight, and you can tell he struggles to keep it off because sometimes he has gained some back and no matter how much he works out or eats lettuce, he's just the pudgy body type. Anyway, he was a sympathetic soul is what I'm getting at.

And I've remembered - as I feel my side rolls pudging out into my arms a little more - what it felt like to feel my body reducing on a daily basis. Definitely strange and wonderful. It was due to determination. I can do that again.


Unknown said...

Yes you can!!

Vegan Chick Pea said...

It's okay that you went off for a while. You probably feel bad, but when you get back on the plan (even if it's small things), you'll start feeling better. It's good you can admit it. And you should still be proud of all your accomplishments this far. :)

Christine said...

Back op....get at it.

carla said...

you can get back on the wagon and we are all here.
knowing how it feels to be off and ready willing and wehopeable :) to lend a hand as you climb back op!