Nov 15, 221 - moderation

I have been up (had a binge I think) and now am working on moderation.

I have found myself jealous of people who have leftovers in the fridge to eat from throughout the week. I decided to try veering off the meal plan again and just eat a moderate, healthy, satiating breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner. This plan went a little awry last night when I worked until 5:30 a.m.

Another part of what I'm doing is trying to focus on the appreciation I have for foods that I don't lose control over, and then also think about using that awareness to manage my moderation.

For example, I bypassed all the Oreos and chocolate chip cookies, and I bypassed the brownies - because I knew I would not be able to keep myself from overindulging even if I wanted to. I didn't get a gooey chocolatey marshamallowey caramelly Ben & Jerry's, but I did get Banana Split Ben & Jerry's - I had 3 bites the first day which were tasty and even had a shock of chocolate fudge syrup in it - and the rest has been sitting in the freezer since then - this is fairly unheard of for me and I don't know what to attribute it to. Maybe my plan is working, maybe it's my hormonal cycle. I bypassed potato chips and chocolate bars, but got dark chocolate covered cranberries, of which I enjoyed about 6 or 7 yesterday, and some trail mix seeds, something that I like but never choose over the other, more egregious, options. I figured I could easily pick up a pinch of the trail mix and satiate myself where a jello pudding would only make me grab another.

I have become tentative about bananas, but someone suggested them for their potassium as a way to possibly deal with a physiological issue that sometimes bugs me - so I put half a banana on my oatmeal squares as planned.

Oatmeal squares - I thought 1 cup of oatmeal squares wouldn't be enough of that delicious cereal, but with my eggs, milk, 1/2 banana, I didn't even have the desire to finish off my planned breakfast with my fruit selection - an orange.

I made a shepherd's pie, enough for days, and have been feeding off it in decent-sized portions. I cooked up some cranberries but didn't use nearly enough sugar - they are hard to eat much of although tasty, and I actually felt like I might have overdosed on vitamin C, so those are available to me in the fridge as well.

I need to use calorie counters to make sure I don't go overboard with the calories. I also need to start exercising again because I feel unstrongish and like being strong, and also it would probably help my energy, stamina, and metabolism, as everyone already knows. Even though my weight is maintaining, I think my midsection is thicker, and that totally sucks.

Honestly, looking at my shape and realizing that the belly will probably never go away the way I'd like is enough to make me almost want to just quit.

What gets me back to wanting to lose a little weight again is the fear of increasing jeans sizes, and more than that, a few clothes that I want to be able to fit into - one shirt in particular is sooo cute and hot, and the dress that I was so happy about too - I need to be smaller around to wear them well, otherwise they are a big letdown.

Anyway, so far this is working well with my brain. I hope it keeps up. :-)