Monday, April 18, 2011
So this morning I weighed fully 5 pounds less than yesterday. I ate only breakfast and lunch yesterday and drank only water and pomegranate-blueberry lite juice. I haven't been hungry, but I just ate today's breakfast because it seemed like a good idea. I guess I need to go to the grocery store because I'm afraid I'm running out of "clean" food. (I mean I have some Lean Cuisines and canned veggies, but... I'm not even sure I should be okay about this juice, and the tablespoon of dried cranberries I had with breakfast are made with added sugar.) I awoke in a swell of anxiety last night and after trying to go back to sleep for an hour, then I tried to get up and face my light plot (sooo scared and confused!) and then my mind stopped working pretty soon after that, and I went back to sleep and wanted to get up this morning, but when I am scared of a deadline, it's like my body physically can't face it. I might feel stronger about it if I drank some coffee, but I started this *thing* and so am not doing coffee. I am sure that I would love to pig out on comfort food if it would numb these feelings of anxiety and give me something else to think about. But I did surprisingly well last night without it. I assume the fact that I got by so well on only 800 calories probably has something to do with how many extra calories I was carrying on me from the previous few days. I wonder if I'd be doing so well at not eating without the anxiety. Anyway, today 235 feels pretty good.