Wednesday, April 13, 2011

where I am now

I have been thinking about this blog, really. I just haven't been up to rededicating myself. Not fully. These are the reasons for my downfall:

1) Full on unhealthy addiction to Russell Stover easter candy.
2) Stressful life.
3) I have started playing the Sims 2 again, plus Farmville and City of Wonder on Facebook.

Add to that, I'm not interested, for some reason, in the meal planning at ediets. My financial situation has changed and I'm not sure how that's going to affect me. I bought a new laptop and I got health insurance and I donated until it hurt to Japan tsunami relief and I've been dining out for every meal.

I'm just starting to get to a place of pulling it back together again. I went to a lot of trouble to print up a grocery list from an ediets meal plan, but when I went to the grocery store, I just went to get "a few things" and wound up getting $137 in groceries, from fresh meat and produce to some prepared/frozen/canned/processed foods. And now I'm going to try to live on that sensibly for a while. This will be nice. I think my plan is to quit ediets and maybe subscribe to Cooking Light or something. I shouldn't abandon meal planning, but I shouldn't rely on it either. I need to be able to enter a new phase that allows me to do exotic things like make enough food for a week and live off the leftovers. Eat the food I have here. Today I had a good breakfast and a lunch that was heavier than I realized when I entered it into sparkpeople, because of the potato. And the meal was very filling - a large red boiled potato, boiled mustard greens, and about 4 ounces of some kind of steak. And 5 green olives. Didn't seem like all that much. Anyway, I expect I'll transition to Sparkpeople and if I still have trouble I might try Weight Watchers for a while just for a change, or nutritional help provided by gym or my new health insurance.

I am a lot easier on myself for "failure" than the culture of weight loss typically allows for, but I do get embarrassed when I think of the name of this blog and how it was my driving force - "For real this time." Right now I'm at 236 and no clothes look good on me. When I go to the store, nothing looks good on me. It's spring and I want to dress flirtily and nothing looks good on me, and it's not because of the clothes, it's because of the 'canvas' - my body. I hate wearing jeans because my upper belly hangs out over the waistband - I HATE IT!!! It feels bad. I try girdles, they roll up. My belly feels heavy on me when I jump or run.

And I have been concentrating on getting some exercise almost every day, again, now that things have let up. It's hard because I don't feel like moving, but the weather has been beautiful for nice walks in the park, so there has been some incentive!

So that's where things are. A tentative new start. Just looking for enough mental clarity to make a real new start of it.

And probably I should start checking in on your blogs, too, see where you are and how inspiring your progresses and hardships are.


Sevenbeads said...

This is a rough time of year for people with a sweet tooth for candy. It's everywhere you go, isn't it? I also can't believe how expensive food has gotten. I wish I could cook more often and enjoy the leftovers the other days. I'm not crazy about cooking and I have so little time. Thank goodness for take-out!

Katie J ♥ said...

I was glad to see your post Hallie. I am sorry that things are stressful for you.

safire said...

I hope everything becomes less stressful for you. I turned to games when I was super stressed and avoiding life.

Finding a plan that works for you should be of utmost importance! 84 lbs is amazing! You know how to do it, I guess it's a matter of buckling down and doing it!

Best of luck.

Jodie said...

Good work at least getting back to the blog! Glad to see you here again!

(FYI, I'm over at now)