Friday, September 10, 2010

Sep 10, 225

La ti da ti da. Are you bored with my postponements and failures yet? I'm 225 today, and fell off track during my stressful time at work again and found myself unable to drag myself away from work long enough to prepare healthy balanced meals, or even think about healthy balanced meals. And stress binging, and rewarding myself with edible treats. And now? Now I'm getting ready to go out of town for a few days - AGAIN! Which doesn't mean I have to be bad but I'm going to visit Dad and he's not necessarily a good influence on my eating habits but he can be, but I don't have to fall into the mud just because I'm away from my kitchen without a rope - I can use this time to practice being mindful and moderate.

In wondering when's a good time to do this, I'm realizing that work isn't the issue. First of all, this laptop is probably the worst thing. I'm too addicted to it. If I don't know what to do with myself for 1 second, I reach for the laptop. Then, I don't get off it nearly soon enough. Hours of the day dissolve away unrecognized as I click click click. It's not just showing itself in my eating and exercise habits - I can't get my housework done, can't keep a decent work schedule, and can't get my bills paid on time -- this is not how I am.

Last year when I started the diet, part of it involved retreating from the world. It was a little depressive, really, a recognition that other people were not there for me and so to just pull away from them. So I wasn't scouring facebook because no one was there for me, and I wasn't seeking interaction with friends or even family so much as usual.

Anyway, I need to break from the laptop a bit and focus more on tangible earthly goals and the world around me.

I don't quit this blog because I haven't given up yet. I still intend to reach my goal. It's just that getting back on track is getting hard. So my next goal is to break from the time-consuming stuff on the internet.


Anonymous said...

I hear you. I spend way too much time in front of my computer and the rest of my life is suffering. Like food the computer is another addictive behavior. I need to learn the concept of balance.

I hope you enjoy your visit with Dad. You can be strong and careful. The strength is within you.

sabina said...

Can you make a list of priorities and split your time accordingly?
For you, sounds like work is tops, maybe second after loved ones. Then health? Then "veg" time, where you just zone out and click away?
Sounds like you're choosing to sit and worry about work or surf the net, rather than plan meals or hit the gym. If you alloted time limits according to priorities, maybe the discipline would become 2nd nature. My parents did it to me with video games when I was younger. Finish your homework (daily exercise!) and then you can play video games for an hour (surf the net an hour).
Right now, your schedule must also leave you sleep deprived, which is hell on your appetite and metabolism.
Since you have limited time, can you afford a meal plan like low sodium Nutri system? Or stock up on non perishables like canned food and almond milk so you won't have to frequent the grocers too often?

Seems like you're totally at a loss for how to get a doable weight loss routine. Even though you've done it before, maybe the lack of commitment you're feeling warrants a NEW strategy.

We're rooting for you!