Sunday, October 10, 2010

10/10/10 229

I've still been gaining weight, watching myself baffled at the way I eat when I let myself go for too long. I was never supposed to be gone this long! I go to the grocery store for my weekly meal plan, then somewhere during the week my plans get interrupted and I think "Well, we'll make a little exception," or I get confused or behind or have to run out the door unexpectedly with no time to prepare food and well, we'll make a little exception. Lately, though, I am feeling very uncomfortable in my size 18s. I am pouring over the top of them, too, and all my clothes that I bought when I was size 16 are now too small.

So, here we go again. A stocked fridge, a simple meal plan. A full week of work ahead of me.

Rededicating. "It's important." I want to be under 200 by the end of the year, wouldn't that be something? At a rate of 2 pounds per week straight, I could come close, but wouldn't make it. And I would rather be the tortoise and win the race than the hare and lose it - it's all about long-term.

I would like to be on the fall plan and be eating squashes and sweet potatoes, but I went on the glycemic plan because what I think is my blood sugar issue is out of control just like it was when I started. I want to feel myself get back in control. I told my Dad - a real person in real life - that I'm quitting chocolate again for 6 weeks. So there ya go. (Yikes!) But seriously - no big deal. "I don't eat that crap." Halloween candy was never my favorite anyway. It's Easter candy season that tempts me!

When I started the first time, I set a goal of losing "any amount of weight" but set a long-term goal of 220, didn't I, a loss of 65 pounds. I have three long-term goal numbers in mind - 199, 192, and 180.

"I don't need to eat anything that isn't on the plan - my meal plan has me covered."

What I'm remembering is that - in the first week or two - I was hungry. Most of the time I was fine, but the first two weeks - maybe more - I felt withdrawal. Waiting 5 hours to eat a small snack, then two more before my meal seemed like it would be hard. But I did it, because I was that obsessed, that desperate, for real results. I shoved almost everything else out of my mind and out of my life and was a dieter.

Apparently I got rid of any size 20 jeans and I'd rather not spend money on jeans any larger. So unless I'm going to start wearing sweatpants, things are getting kinda desperate right now.

I think the past several entries have been me rededicating. I apologize to readers, because I know that's not inspiring and it's kinda sad and pathetic-seeming to readers.

Hopefully next week I'll pop back in and be able to proclaim proudly that I've stuck to it for the whole week. And there should definitely be some water-weight results to make me feel a little better and keep me dedicated.