Ok, week 1 complete, and I'm weighing 223.
It probably wasn't until well into my twenties that I started to see how men see the world, how they check out women's bodies. Now I do it. Downtown there's always some eye-catching women walking around, and when I spot one, I look around at all the men. It's amazing, men who are alone or with other men look brazenly - men who are with women don't look at all. Wives, girlfriends, sisters, or friend groups - men who are with women actually look like they didn't even see this hottie at all. Two nights ago there was a very striking, very skinny woman with long skinny legs sticking out from under some hyper-short spandex shorts and dropping into these tall powerful heeled shoes. Plus she was just standing on the street corner, on the phone I think, as if waiting for someone - and everyone was staring at her. In front of me was a couple in their 50s or 60s I'd say, man and woman, just left the Symphony. The man seemed to take no notice at all but the woman would not stop staring at this skinny-legged woman. I kinda felt sorry for the chick, she looked so exposed, but she didn't seem to mind so I guess she likes being stared at by everyone around, or doesn't mind.
Anyway the point is, last night, young ladies clubbing downtown, so many tight jeans and great figures. I thought about how well everyone's jeans fit and wondered about my belly - if it would ever amount to anything without surgery. I still think I want to know what it's like to be skinny, just once at least, during this life. Preferrably while I'm still pre-menopausal. Maybe even while I'm still in my 30s. But if I'm just gonna be droopy skin, it'll still be neat but not AS neat.
There was a group of people invited on the stage at last night's Opera opening before the show last night. All in formal wear. I was onstage checking the lights with my friend. All at once he stopped and said, "There's a proposal going on." So I turned and looked and saw a man on bended knee on the stage surrounded by all these people in formal dress, saying words like "I love you so much, will you be by my side forever." He was being very romantic, and the woman was moved to tears, and she seemed to accept. She was a heavy woman; a lovely woman, but definitely obese. I take note of the size of women who can find love in their life from men. He must have been a bundle of nerves but it all happened very fast and then we applauded them and congratulated them. I've never had a boyfriend. The guy I was with, I don't know if he's ever had a girlfriend but he hasn't had one for as long as I've known him which is nearly 10 years. He has no body issues, though, unless you count baldness, which has happened to him over the last 5-7 years. I don't think he wants a girlfriend though. His girlfriend is the thousands of girls who go to the clubs on display for him who don't even know he exists.
I felt almost as lucky to see that proposal as I felt to have seen a huge fireball high in the sky the other morning.
Anyway - on with my day. I have new meals for this week - hurrah. I'm excited to try Swiss chard for the first time in a Swiss chard and bean soup, which also has soy hot dogs in it, which I'll also be having for the first time. Sounds delish. :-) Also hydrating. I felt good to drink 2 full glasses of actual water yesterday. I will keep it on my to-do list for today. Which I will be making shortly. :-)
