December 16, 218

I'm doing okay (she squeaked from under 2000 pounds per square inch of menstrual cramp).

Yesterday while out I decided I wanted a brownie and by god I got one, despite the voice of my seriously suppressed superego chastising me for maintaining a sweet-per-day habit that I felt I ought to break. Especially having gained from 215 back to 220 during last week's work crunch. I don't mind not losing weight at this time, as I've said, but I'm not looking to gain. I'm looking to experience maintenance and increase activity - neither of which I feel all that successful about despite the objective successes - I have exercised at least 3 days per week since before Thanksgiving, and seen continued improvements in my yogability and my elliptical prowess, and I have stayed below 220.

Perhaps it was due to the heaviness of that brownie that I was able to refrain from eating as much later in the day. And given the ovarian agony I'm in right now, I feel like my lapses may be explainable as a result of premenstrual urges.

I've been trying to make sense of my meal plan, since I skipped so many meals last week, and some food went bad, but some groceries have to be used. I think I've finally made sense of it and I have made a grocery list to start next week's meal plan. Anyway, today I'm 218 again, so... maintained so far.

I need to set new goals for the new year. I need to continue my exercise goals just exactly as they are, except that in yoga I might start thinking about trying out the Level 2 version as I continue to progress. Weightlifting has focused on upper body this past month, but I have thought about doing lower body once a week too, and adding walking once a week to improve the shapeliness of my lower legs. Cardio can continue as elliptical, focusing on power. But overall, I cannot overcommit myself in exercise goals, or there will be trouble - especially since it's really going to be time again for me to refocus on diet adherence and weight loss - getting under 200.

In the mirror my body has a new shape when naked. I kinda like it. It's still pudgy and dumpy with womanly fat in the abdomen and hips, but it seems more hippy and less belly than it used to. I don't know. And the other day I turned to the side and sucked my belly in and golllly, my midsection above the belly button was downright thin - I was worried about snapping in two! ha. It was exotic. I don't know if my body has changed while I've been maintaining - it was sort of my hope that, while I maintained here, my body would catch up and shape into something normal, my skin would take some time to catch up to my fat loss. But I haven't grabbed the measuring tape yet. I was supposed to measure at Saturday's weigh-in but since I hid from Saturday's weigh-in in shame from all that loss of self-control, I haven't put a measuring tape to me yet.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that my few days of silence was not indicative of failure, just not indicative of progress either.

Take care and share the love this holiday season!