December 4, 217

I've recently been saying that I needed to change my self-perception to lose more weight. I need to be able to accept the possibility and eventual reality of me being thinner than I've ever imagined myself being.

Last night I had a chance to get closer. While I was at the gym lifting weights. I was between sets, and holding the one 15-pound dumbbell in both hands, my arms hanging straight down in front of me. In doing do, they sort of masked the breadth of my midsection. Out from below were my slender hips and legs. Up above was a new head, with a more slender neck and shoulders, my hair back in a ponytail (which it never is)... I stared at this strange new thin woman with my eyes and tried to see her as me.

The damage from the Indian restaurant seems to have passed. I'm 217 this morning. (I'm 217? I can't believe I'm 217.) Maybe in part because I let myself be a little bit hungry last night. When I got home to prepare dinner (crustless turkey pot pie and garlic spaghetti squash) I was obviously hungry and had a hard time NOT stuffing myself with a bowlful of turkey (which I can eat like candy) or with anything else. I ate dinner hoping that I would be satisfied at the end, and I suppose I was, but the evening dragged on another 6 hours. Ah well, nothing to be done, and a little hungry feeling can be lived with, even enjoyed.

I have a little hungry feeling still now. It bothers me because I am so ready to eat breakfast but I have to do yoga first which is going to take an hour and be plagued with hungry feelings. :-( Guess I'd better get to it. I do have a goal.