August 8, 240

Saturday weigh-in - 240 - for a 3rd straight week, still not down to the 230s.

Ways I have become lax -
- this isn't a change, really, but I allow myself more fruit than prescribed - may have to be stricter
- the glycemic plan I'm on directs one to eat on a certain schedule spread out through the day - to maintain blood glucose levels to prevent low-sugar splurges. I've tended to crunch those meals together - holding off on breakfast until later is what tends to lead to it. I don't imagine that the timing is really that important as long as you don't ingest more calories by the end of the day. Still, maybe I should observe the schedule more closely to feel more subjected to and obedient to the meal plan. I dunno.
- Maybe skipping meals and not skipping meals is contributing. I still don't want to intentionally skip meals, though, if the meal plan says I should eat.


A fellow 'beesey (obese person) expressed to me that I looked "amazing" (she's new in my life and never saw me before when I weighed less) and that she was jealous. Though I initially felt like hiding from the compliment (I just don't like to directly face judgement, even positive, in such tender spots) I immediately recognized that she had given a very admirable compliment in a very kind way - even the part about being "jealous" was delivered more as a friendly cheery statement to me than a sign of bitterness. Mostly to be considerate and reciprocal, I attempted to neutralize my initial quiet ducking response and be gracious in return.

On the other hand, my mother's been sending out all these pictures from last weekend's family reunion, and in almost all of them, I clearly do not look like I'd like to look. I look at the pictures and think - "That is supposed to be a great difference, willowy, not a blob?" I look horrible.

I remember it was only about 5 years ago that I got my first camera phone, which pre-dated even my first digital camera. I remember I took a lot of pictures of myself with it, from many angles. I realize now that this was the beginning of a new era. More photographs available, posted online on social networking sites. Pictures didin't cost anything, so photographers could take photos more haphazardly without regard for whether they'd turn out okay. Suddenly you're shown in photographic form, unposed, repeatedly. Then there's the self-taken pictures, and who didn't learn to take the ol' Myspace photo with the high camera angle to hide chin fat and make your eyes look bigger and younger... I took thousands of pictures of myself and only about 5% were tolerable.

Even when the mirror looks okay, like it generally does these days, photographs are horrid. Now I have to aim not only to look better in real life, but also in photos, or more to the point - 'pics'.

Okay - SURELY this week I'll get down into the 230s. I am thinking about being able to take a cheat day some day soon, and planning for what I want to do for myself on the cheat day, but after 3 weeks on a plateau, I feel like I want to try to hit a safe 238 first. We'll see how things look after a couple days. I'm considering an impromptu road trip to Savannah, an Indian buffet, chocolate chip cookies and Russel Stover and Cadbury fruit and nut. I also haven't had Chinese takeout since I started this thing in March. Not that Chinese takeout is one of my great urges - but I haven't had ANY!

I also haven't been to Wendy's or Cookout. I have had McDonald's and Subway, but not Wendy's. I had grown tired of Wendy's, but it was still a fairly regular thing.