Friday, June 19, 2009

june 19, 252.5

Really? 252.5?! That's a 1.5 pound loss from yesterday. I've been feeling a bit stuck around 255 since I first hit 255 on June 11. 255 was a goal for me, so a few days after that I did a cheat day, and my weight came back up. I was getting really tired of having only lost 30 pounds!

Why did I lose it? Well, I'm not sure, but I do know that I was dealing with hunger sensations and cravings yesterday. I went over to my parents' to do some work and they have cookies, and I felt a stirring in my belly for those cookies. I didn't cheat at all yesterday, though, except forgetting to eat crackers with my snack - small failing. Then last night I did go get on the exercise bike for 30 minutes.

Still, a 2 pound drop in 2 days is more than I expected, but here's hoping it stays off! My next short-term goal is 245. Although I think I'm going camping next week so I may have to go off the plan. It worries me to think I won't be able to control myself if I'm not on a plan, and I don't want to be on a plan my whole life. But let me just get down to a weight I can feel okay about before I worry about life without a plan, where I have a little leeway to gain a few pounds if things go awry. That will be a different project - learning to live without a plan. Right now, it's all about losing weight.

It's funny, too, how you can feel it on the nights before the scale goes down. Last night, I thought I could feel differences - in the neck, in the belly, in the waist... What's funny is that you can feel it tactally by touching your body even though you can't feel it within yourself or see it in the mirror. I just wouldn't think I'd be able to feel a 1.5-pound weight loss with my hands on my neck or my elbows against my side, it should be a miniscule difference.

Lying in bed at night, or sitting in a chair, I have sometimes tried to think of myself as being as fat as I look in pictures, tried to feel the spread of my body, and tried to imagine how it would feel different if I didn't take up so much space, but it's hard. In my own body, I don't feel fat. Fat doesn't feel different. I feel normal-sized.

Anyway, excited to see the scale going down again. 245 here I come!

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