Jan 5, 218

I was On ALL DAY yesterday - except for adding a little shot of 2% milk to some coffee, and I made some food substitutions, but those don't take me Off, I was On ALL DAY yesterday. At times I was worried about little hunger pains, worried I wouldn't make it through the day without giving into the little voice that tells me to cheat. (Go ahead, do it!) But I didn't cheat. I played that game where I listen to my body to feel withing myself the process of going from hungry to satisfied after having eaten a portioned meal of fiber and protein.

It was a long hard day yesterday, after waking up too early at 4:30 and not getting back to sleep, then working from 10 to 12:30 at one theatre, from 1 to 5 at another theatre, and then sitting through 2 run-throughs until 11:00 at night. I had to make my food last all day and it did. I had to deal with being tired and on the run all day. It took me 90 minutes to prepare and pack all my meals in the morning (I never really realized it took so long) but I did.

At rehearsal, one of the actresses looked at me and asked me if I had any chocolate. It was kind of an odd question as I tried to think back over the past week about whether I'd had any chocolate on hand before to make her think that I, across the room, might have some chocolate - and honestly I can't think of anything. There were the Rolos, maybe there was an announcement made about the bag with Rolos in them and it was determined to be mine. Typically I don't 'have chocolate' with me, except in the moment that I'm eating it. I don't keep it around much. She was just desperate for some chocolate, I guess. I gave her 50 cents and told her to grab a candy bar from the vending area in the lobby. She's very skinny, and from what I can gather from what she says, very affected by carbs and possibly other food elements, very dependent on her food intake for her moment-to-moment well-being. I figure maybe skinny people are like that - they don't hold on to extra resources, so they feel it immediately when their body runs out. She needed chocolate to get her through her runthrough.

I really hoped after a day, really a day and a half of being On, my weight would reduce by this morning. 220 was high, and actually I was a sliver over 220, and I could by the indentations my socks made that I was retaining water, so it seemed the sort of thing that even just one or two days could show a reduction in the scale. My motivation right now is a sense of increased puffiness especially in the fat roll above my waist - (MY FAVORITE!!!) I'm ready for that to go back down and away.

So anyway, it worked (yay). I'm down to 218 this morning and that's quite welcome.

I updated my ticker for the first time since Dec 22, so I guess that says I've left the playing field for a while although I've still been playing a little, not nearly as conscientiously. I also skimmed the blogs today, read the ones that seemed most appealing to me, which also helped me restore the mindset of being On.

I'm delighted to have a little extra time this morning though I don't think I got enough sleep again I might be okay if I slept as HARD as I might have. I have a little work to do and some exercise to do, a day's worth of food to prepare, groceries to buy, and a book to read, a workcall this afternoon and rehearsal this evening, and I've got to figure out in what order I need to do all that.

Only 3 months, 20 pounds, let's go! Bonne courage! RAWR!