217 this morning. One down side to losing water weight is getting up way too early in the morning having to pee, and then not going back to sleep. I figure that's about the end of the excess water loss from going back on the diet.
The diet was good to me today. I really love that tofu and black bean salad. I didn't really get too hungry, just a little hungry once or twice, but I was covered for food and when I did eat it was enough to sustain through the next meal, (though I typically had to eat so fast I was still hungry when I was out of food.)
I did go to the gym as planned, and got on the elliptical trainer. I don't know whether it's just been a little too long since the last time I've been to the gym or if it was due to being a bit underslept, but I took it comparatively easy on the elliptical. I mean, I pushed myself a bit, but I didn't do the high-intensity intervals. So instead of achieving the 430-435 calories burned I got last time, it was only 415. And I was annoyed that I couldn't stetch out my legs, and felt like I'd rather be jogging, but my heel was bothering me. I felt like I wasn't feeling 'the burn' in the places I want to - I'm supposed to be building up power, quick-twitch muscle fibers and lower body strength on the elliptical, but today I don't know how much I really worked into those areas, it was just a plain old cardiovascular workout. But that's okay.
217 on Jan 6. Only 19 pounds to lose in the next 12 weeks.
I have to say that I've been facing some jealousy issues. We all know I'm not satisfied with the shape of my body at all even now that I've lost about 70 pounds. I'm also not really happy with my face, and I figure I'll never really be pretty. I'm just not one of the pretty girls. Losing weight isn't really going to help my face any more, and I just don't think I'm going to ever have a waist - even if I'm thin I'll be thick in the middle. My roommate is about half my height but we both wear size 18s now (only hers are size 18P whereas mine are nearly tall.) I know she has things she hates about her body, but the fact is, she's beautiful. So even though my BMI is better than hers, and she eats Chinese food and Taco Bell and chips and dip and sneers at exercise and is a worse slob even than me, she has a beautiful face, glamorous red hair and an hourglass figure, perfect cleavage, and all the guys love her. I can name at least 3 guys who started off interested in me but then saw her and transferred at least some of their interest to her. I know it's unattractive to confess to feeling outshined by someone else, and people will write to me and tell me about self-esteem. But I think my self-esteem holds up pretty well against the blows it takes, honestly, and I forgive myself for feeling outshined because we do have such proximity and I've had the chance over and over and over to watch people choose her over me.
I am still avoiding mirrors and cameras in public.