June 29, 248.5

Today's weight - 248.5! Yesterday at 250 I complained that losing 35 pounds and getting down to 250 didn't seem like much. Maybe that comes from being in the 250s for so long. Now I'm in the 240s, the freaking 240s, and have lost 36.5 pounds, well, that's real progress! :-D

You're probably killing yourself wondering how well I did at my resolutions for yesterday. Answer - miserably. Computer all day. No exercise. I waited so late to eat, I wound up falling asleep before getting to dinner. Today's going to be better. No, REALLY! Just as soon as I finish this blog. I already did yoga this morning and had a timely breakfast. I need to yoga again in two days to further my progress. I can tell you this morning I noticed a sure improvement in my ability to lower myself down in a push-up stance (triceps) and I could really feel my shoulders strengthening and I could notice increased flexibility from my torso - there has been noticeable improvement. I just find it hard to get into the second section. By then it's already been 20 minutes, and though I want to do the triangle poses for stretching and strengthening legs and torso, it's a major commitment to get through another several minutes of intensity. I have done it, but often by then it's a time commitment thing. Which is an improvement from when it was a "I'm so faint I can't stand anymore" thing.

This is yesterday's lunch - chicken curry with basmati rice. It was like 10pm when I made it and I was so hungry. Look, would you, at the rice serving compared with the entree serving. You know how when you go to an Indian restaurant, you dip out a healthy bed of rice to mix the curry with. My rice bed would be smothered by that gigantic heaping of curried chicken and vegetables. It doesn't seem right. And of course, at the Indian restaurant you must also have Nan bread. Sometimes portion sizes on this meal plan just don't make sense. The amount of stuff they want me to stuff into a tiny piece of pita bread or a 6" tortilla is laughable.

Oh, just for whatever, here's me from a few days ago with the lavendar blouse that didn't use to fit.

Yes my walls are white. BIG DEAL!

I've been rereading old diaries trying to track what my weight's done. I used to have a much better handle on it than I have lately. I think I never weighed myself at all for the year I lived with Mary, and hardly since I've lived here because I pretty much have to keep my scale in the middle of my tiny bathroom floor. But I was reading how I was trying to stay below 240 in 2003, and then getting back up into the 240s by the end of 2003. I guess I'm just starting to look impatiently at myself, wondering when I start to really look better. The truth is, I look loads better than I did at 285. I just forget that I look like that - even when I was 285 I forgot what I looked like, which is why every time I'd see myself, it was a shock and misery to remember, but all along I thought I looked then more like I look now. And now I want to look thinner.

But I read a cool blog this a.m. - unfortunately I didn't click "follow" and I've lost it - about how people who've lost weight (or maybe women?) are disappointed that it doesn't meet their expectations (and are also more body conscious than others and terrified about gaining back weight.) So here's to accepting the good and not getting caught up in unrealistic expectations.