Jan 25, 212

Yesterday I weighed in at 211, which stirred fluffy fantasies in me about reaching dear old 210. Thoughts of 210 kept me on track all day yesterday when I thought I'd go off it. I thought 210 sounded really good until I thought about 209 this morning. Wow, 209 would be fantastic! Unbelievable! haha Then I stepped on the scale and weighed 214 on my first try. What a major downer. Later I did manage to get that weight down to a legitimate 212 for today which is at least still less than 213 and I do have yesterday's weigh-in as a glimpse of the 211 and 210 to come soon. I just wish I were as confident that weight loss would come as I used to be.

It's Monday and I have had breakfast (and entered it into Sparkpeople, yes Lawd) and I do not have the ingredients for lunch yet so I have to get to the grocery store. It is 2:30 on a beautiful day and I'm sitting here stuffed into my size 16s as a matter of pride (it's either 18s too big or 16s too small right now) I have the day off and there's only 4 hours until dusk. The list of things to do include:

* go hiking - can't. not enough time. and besides after last night's deluge it would be too muddy. but the weather is so inviting me to a mountaintop. spring's going to be great when I can go hiking again!
* go grocery shopping - gotta be done
* read my book - I'm desperately trying to push through The Historian so I can get to the other books I want to read
* laundry - god, really don't want to do that today. i'll do it tomorrow
* go find a track and do a run-walk.

I want to go find a track. I have been getting so inspired to do so many things by your blogs. I haven't exercised in a week - the first part of last week I was working very long hours and thought I'd have the rest of the week - then the last half of the week, I was sick. And my sickness, it's not bad, but then I haven't pushed it to the limit. I've actually stayed in bed and drunk vitamin C. I have the faintest hint that there's sickness there, in my sinuses and lungs, but I can barely tell it's there. I know I crave vitamin C juices more than usual and I don't seem to excited by the taste of chocolate (which makes me feel really guilty when I have chocolate I shouldn't have and don't even enjoy it!! Dude, that's when I knew I had a problem.) I feel like I could and should exercise - I feel sludgy and guilty for not exercising, I feel my muscles atrophying from lack of weight lifting, and I feel myself losing the strength and flexibility I'd gained from yoga, and yet, I feel like if I did weaken my defenses system by exercising, I would succomb to the evil that's lurking within me and get really sick.

Still, I think I will go find a track and test myself on this run-walk idea. If I keep it up for 30 minutes I can count it toward my 3x per week.

Oh, I'm so sorry I've bored you to tears with this blog. This is exactly the kind of rambling unfocused blog I don't want to write so I will end it now.