Just that yesterday I went out and got new jeans. They are size 16, they had a little spandex in them, they made me look good. It was opening night and I wanted to look a little hot. It seemed to work a little I think, although I'm a little unsure about the results.
For one thing, I went dancing last night and got way more attention than I really wanted. One guy actually bought me a drink. I have heard about this kind of thing happening before. When we went back to the dance floor together, though, he disappeared - seemingly with a different woman, which just relieved me actually that I didn't have to get rid of him. A couple other guys just sat next to me and watched me. Now I was dancing pretty energetically so maybe they just thought I looked funny. After the bars closed I had no fewer than 2 men come up to me, talk to me, sit with me, walk with me, give me their numbers... before I was ready to get back to my car. They were nice, too, but they were strangers, and I'm NOT used to meeting male strangers as date material. I don't even know that I want to date - sounds like a bit of a pain and imposition in my life. Typically I'm pretty good at not being approached. If I start being approached that much, I'm going to have to think twice about going out that much. Honestly, I felt pretty great last night, but today I'm a little embarrassed for myself. It happens like that sometimes. I'm no great dancer, but get a couple drinks in me and I really loosen up and enjoy dancing in the flashing lights and the happy music, and the DJ played a lot of danceable tunes last night, but I don't care that much about being seen doing it.
For another thing, a guy I work with made the comment (when I asked if anyone had been looking for me) that if I keep losing weight they're not going to be able to find me. Now, since I haven't really lost a significant amount of weight in recent weeks, I had to chalk it up to the new jeans and maybe even the black leather jacket I was wearing. I actually found the comment encouraging, made me want to stay on track and get the body I want (because I'd just been re-realizing as I was clothes shopping that I do NOT have the body I want - I think I'll never have decent cleavage again, and there's still way too much fat around my ribs screwing up my figure...)
Even if I attracted the one guy I'd have wanted to attract, this morning I'm not sure how I feel about that.
So I want my perfect body for me enough to want to keep going, but I'm going to start feeling like I have to de-emphasize it to prevent excess attention.
The jeans, by the way, are already starting to lose their va-va-voom, and are becoming saggy and wrinkly. It was $30 paid for one night of looking hot. Worth it? Yeah. lol
At least I got my period (it hurts right now) and I'm glad because I think the PMS was wreacking havoc on everything. Ah the curse of womanhood. A woman I work with was telling me that when she was going through menopause she would run around naked in the backyard to deal with her hot flashes - so I have a whole life of crazy still to look forward to I guess. (I don't remember my mom running around naked. In fact, my Mom never much mentioned anything about going through menopause - so I really don't know what to expect.)