Hey. Timidly I reappear here, knowing this blog was intended to be instructional on how to succeed at a time that I was so sure I was losing the weight forever. I've gained almost all of it back. But I cling to that "almost." It would appear I've been static at about 265-270 for over 6 months - that's pretty stable. No particular eating plan, no dieting at all, as much food, candy, ice cream as I feel like, and no exercise. When I start to feel my under-chin fat pressing against my over-clavicle fat while watching hulu in bed, things really are starting to get desperate. I miss liking my thinner face. And my body feels strained - my knees, ankles, feet - everything. Yet for the past 3 days I managed to still not get any exercise. I really want to start exercising again, and not just start, but keep at it long enough to feel a difference, if it's not too late, if I'm not too old, and knowing people who started running in their 40s, I think I'm not too old, I just FEEL too old.
Tomorrow I go on 1600 calories. I printed up some 1600-calorie meal plans I found online and went shopping for them. The meals seem a bit sparse. I'm trying not to focus too much on the fear of not having enough to eat - I will live, I will be fine. I'm focusing more on the joy of knowing that in just 2 months I should be fully 20 pounds lighter. I have the groceries to last me this week. I just have to get exercising and stick to the diet and deny myself ANY extras.
I've had a bunch of false restarts in the last entries of this blog - you know how it can go. There is shame in promising to be adherent and then failing. But it seems wrong not to acknowledge the start. This time I do feel more motivated. 20 pounds gone in 2 months!