Sunday, October 7, 2012

New start tomorrow

Hey.  Timidly I reappear here, knowing this blog was intended to be instructional on how to succeed at a time that I was so sure I was losing the weight forever.  I've gained almost all of it back.  But I cling to that "almost."  It would appear I've been static at about 265-270 for over 6 months - that's pretty stable.  No particular eating plan, no dieting at all, as much food, candy, ice cream as I feel like, and no exercise.  When I start to feel my under-chin fat pressing against my over-clavicle fat while watching hulu in bed, things really are starting to get desperate.  I miss liking my thinner face.  And my body feels strained - my knees, ankles, feet - everything.  Yet for the past 3 days I managed to still not get any exercise.  I really want to start exercising again, and not just start, but keep at it long enough to feel a difference, if it's not too late, if I'm not too old, and knowing people who started running in their 40s, I think I'm not too old, I just FEEL too old.

Tomorrow I go on 1600 calories.  I printed up some 1600-calorie meal plans I found online and went shopping for them.  The meals seem a bit sparse.  I'm trying not to focus too much on the fear of not having enough to eat - I will live, I will be fine.  I'm focusing more on the joy of knowing that in just 2 months I should be fully 20 pounds lighter.  I have the groceries to last me this week.  I just have to get exercising and stick to the diet and deny myself ANY extras.

I've had a bunch of false restarts in the last entries of this blog - you know how it can go.  There is shame in promising to be adherent and then failing.  But it seems wrong not to acknowledge the start.  This time I do feel more motivated.  20 pounds gone in 2 months!

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