Tuesday, September 1, 2009

August 31, 235 - calories, fall foods, and jogging

Apparently they have me on about 1850 calories per day. I checked not only because I was curious about the WW points, but also was feeling like dinner seemed a bit petite. 3 oz of pork looks pretty small, tiny little bowl of pumpkin/rice/onion stuff, and a bowl of salad. I looked all over the meal plan printout for the fruit I wanted to accompany this meal. LOL, no such luck. I will survive until morning. Looking forward to peanut butter on toast with wheat germ and milk. I picked that one not only because it sounded appealing, but also because it sounded CHEAP! But it doesn't seem like much.

The thing is I went on the Fall foods plan, and as a result, there seems to be less fresh fruit, I guess. The piles of berries and melons are not so much anymore, and I am definitely going to miss them - there just is no substitute. Even if they did drive my grocery bill up. So far I'm not just in love with this Fall foods diet, but you know what - it doesn't matter. It's not about being in love with the food right now. I mean, it's nice when that happens, but what it's really about is being satisfied with the food, skating over all that.

My weight was 235 this morning - residual from my crazed binge on Saturday? Still, I've been feeling like my pants are falling offish a little and 235 is already a miracle. And today my parents said I looked "almost just like a normal person" and asked if anyone else had noticed me wasting away to nothing before their eyes. I'm not like the rest of you - facing commentary about my weight doesn't fill me with pride. I'm appreciative that people care about me, I'm appreciative when they're along for the ride and supportive (particularly when they've been invited) and appreciative that they want to be nice to me and what that means, but I don't really need or want to be told that I look thinner all that much. It makes me kind of uncomfortable, and I deny looking all that much different. But I shared with them the pride that my t-shirt was just an XL, but when they said my belly looked "much smaller" I just hemmed and hawed about how it was not satisfactory for me, as we all know I'm having issues with it.

I'm here at 235, an immediate eye to my next mini goal at 230 (really starting to stretch below my natural settings), a long-term goal of 220, and a probable continuation down to hoping for 180 or so, which would still be overweight (BMI-wise) but I find myself wondering how much thinner I can get. Will I topple over from being too thin?!? Seriously, I'm thinking this. Unlike some people, I don't really think I'm as fat as I am most of the time. I'm comfortable at this weight. I haven't been 180 since junior high, and I don't remember what that was like. Did I topple over? I was certainly alienated for being fat back then.

Though I guess I could stand to have thinner upper arms. On the other hand, I know that's asking a lot since upper arms are flabby on many women as they age, which I continue to do despite all my foot-stamping.

Speaking of foot-stamping (man, what a great segue!!) I went jogging again today. I won't say I haven't been at all active lately because I have tended to be quite active at work lately, when there is work to be at, which there was Sunday night - and I was driven to climb many stairs and bend and pull and walk and etc... But today I had an unexpected day off, and felt myself being very sludgy. It really hasn't been unusual for me to stay in bed for two hours after waking, just lollygagging on facebook and blogger mostly. But I was aware I hadn't done any dedicated 'Exercise' in God knows how long. I thought of going to the gym, but then randomly decided to go jogging instead! I use an exclamation point because I always think of any jogging I do as sort of a victory, because for so much of my life I thought running and jogging were out of my league.

Besides, today was a victory because not only did I jog 1 lap around the block in total, but I also jogged another 3/4 lap after a brief 1/4-lap walk. 4 laps total - 2 1/4 walking ant 1 3/4 jogging. That's somewhere between 0.8 miles and a mile, I guess. I was tired, but I'd have done another lap had I not been expecting a call.

It was nice jogging at dusk. The sky was overcast and quite lavender. By the time I was done with the jog night had fallen and everything around me was midnight blue lit by harsh white lights. Mmmm.

Now I must say, when I got back home, I began to feel the pain in my pelvis. I've mentioned before, it's not unusual for me to feel a little like I'm having menstrual cramps after a jog. I wonder if other people feel the same way - women and even men, too. But tonight, it was really bad, and I was moaning and groaning in pain. I felt like I must be having a miscarriage. I knew I'd just had my period, so the pain was not related to menstruation, it's just a jogging thing I guess. I really had to get in the car and go, but I was feeling so poorly I didn't think I should drive. I figured the feeling would pass, as it always does, but then, I didn't remember it having ever felt like this before.

I will have to look it up.

Well, I know everyone has plenty to read so I try to keep these things short. And I fail.

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