Friday, September 4, 2009

slow week

It's been a slow week. No weight loss to report. Still 235. I did go jogging twice, and the dusk was nice. But I am feeling really down today, really lost. All day, and really yesterday too. I've been so low. I wish I knew how to either make it better or get away, but - if I keep going on this track, you will be berated with my negative thinking, and I'll get "chin up" comments. Maybe, hopefully, I'll feel a little better tomorrow. I'll get out of the house, go to work, have a purpose, have a task. I've been stuck in the house - no where to go without eating, spending money. Nothing to do but the same chores ad nauseum, the dishes again, the trash again, the laundry again, it never ends and it's wearing me down. Then desperately sink into Facebook, computer games, and Buffy on Hulu. Worried about gainful employment and my lack of meaningful relationships. Feel lost and stuck at the same time. Should I go to school, and if so, HOW? What should I study? Should I throw a dart at a map to find some new place to move to, and then get a job at Starbucks after I got there? Tonight to get out of the house I went looking for Greek wine, but couldn't find any. I bought 2 bottles of French - beaujolais and medoc grande reserve - drank 2 glasses tonight of the latter. Am I cheating on this diet too often now? I want to drink wine. Extra spoonful of whipped topping.

It's weird since I feel like I just had my period, like, last week or something, but I only ever cry when I'm about to get my period. This is just temporary, until my life gets better.

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