Saturday, September 26, 2009

September 26, 228.5. Weigh-in and deflating.

Gaaawwwwd, I am so close to goal, on the charts - and still so far on the calendar. Only 8.5 pounds to go, yet that's 5 weeks away - Oct 31. How can 8.5 pounds take 5 weeks? It seems like it should take 1 1/2 weeks.

Today is weigh-in day so I have to report - 228.5! I stayed at 231 all last week, eventually dropping to 230, but suddenly today - pow - I tripped and fell into the 220s. :-D

And in a way that makes sense. My hands were all over my body feeling myself yesterday. Not in a porno way. My chin and neck and chest and shoulders - my butt - my back. And I caught a view of my forearm and wrist and I realized I didn't hate it - it seemed to have a better shape to it, a more graceful shape, not the sausage-wrist quality I felt I used to have - so that seems to indicate a difference there, too.

And - this one's a biggie - I can see a bit of a depression in the very top of my belly under my breasts. It still slopes out a little to the ridge hanging over my belly button, but at last I can see an indication that the fat is going away from there, too.

This morning they asked for measurements, too. Neck, bicep, forearm, chest, waist, hips, thigh, calf... All my previous entries into these forms are saved, so I can see what I've typed into those boxes over the months - and there wasn't much difference - in fact, several measurements seemed to have stayed the same or gone up. The exception being my hips. I had a very hard time figuring out where to take the hips measurement today before finally saying "Screw it, it doesn't change anything either way." But I think the reasons that the hips measurement was markedly different now is that my butt is flatter :-( and my sagging belly has reduced up and out of the way :-) Anyway, measurements were confusing.

The other day I put on this bra I have. Now this bra's cups have always been a little bit large on me, but this time, it was wayy too big.

And last night I took comparison pictures, which I'll have to add here today.

All this is to lead up to my concerns about losing weight. Last night after taking pictures I came home and googled "loose skin after weight loss." A few women who'd lost about 100 pounds seemed to have a tolerable degree of loose skin. What really bothers me is the boobs. Can I just say I love mine? We're talking bodies image here, right? I love my thick full hair on my head and I love my thick full boobs on my chest. No, they're not perfect, I sometimes realize. They droop a little more than I'd like. But they have always been full happy boobs.

I don't guess I'd mind going down from a DD to a D, in proportion to my weight loss, as long as the boobs don't look deflated like flapjacks!! Because I don't want implants either! It is not the same! That might help how they look, but then there is also how they feel. I could get that string that the huge-boob porn stars get and just grow them a little, maybe that would be okay.

Why am I considering cosmetic surgery for my boobs when a tummy tuck is out of the question? (Okay, maybe it's not out of the question - we'll just have to see how I come out) - I'm sure it's because I never had a waist and learned to live without it, but losing my boobs is like losing my two BABIES!!

Ok, enough breast deflation anxiety for now. Surely to be revisited at a later date.

Okay, I've lost these almost 60 pounds without any real involvement of exercise. Maintaining my eating schedule was too involving to add exercise into the mix, and I've grown so used to sitting still. I hate to say it, but my next phase should involve a greater commitment to physical training. Not too much, not so much as to compete with work and diet, but some degree of commitment to something, say 3 times a week. When you consider all the time I waste, that shouldn't be asking too much.

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