May 2nd, starting tomorrow

 During the run of The Nutcracker, I finished copying out all the meal plans I had kept printed out and in a box.  It was a major project and I finally was able to throw away that box of papers and print out an organized book of the meal plans.  However, getting to the grocery store and getting started has been tough, and it hasn't happened, and now it's May!  But I finally got a week of meals planned and went to the grocery store and tonight I spent the whole evening preparing my meals for the next three days because my work schedule will have me out from early morning until late night.  Because that's how it is in this business.  Also, I still live with my parents and still watch TV with them every night and still feel like that was when I stopped and still have foot problems (but the knee problems not so much these days) but now I've lost my lighting design outlet and I'm not sure how I feel about that.  Do I pursue opportunities like a freelancer or settle in for the most success I can get in stagehanding or try for that elusive "library job" with regular hours.

Anyway, I've decided that I need to blog about this regularly, and I typed in blogspot.com and damn if this blog didn't come up without me even having to sign in or remember my password.  Just ready for a new entry.  I reread the entries of my weight gain, and how that fistula seemed to end my activity level and my spirits.

I don't know what I'll weigh in at tomorrow morning, about 317-330 is what I've been at lately.

I feel uncomfortable in my midsection and I have apparently an umbilical hernia and occasionally wonder if I have any intenstinal problems, but I FEEL like I need to lose 20 pounds before I make a doctor's appointment, because she's not going to respect me unless I can tell her that I'm losing weight.  That's how I feel.  Plus, I want to lose any abdominal fat from under the muscle if I can, so I feel more supple and so we can push that hernia back in.

So I'd like to get to under 300 pounds ASAP.  My parents know what I'm doing and I'm a little worried Mom will mess things up by getting back in to cooking right when I DON'T need her to.  She has been not cooking for such a long time but if she sees me at it she might get inspired herself and then I'll have a harder time of declining her food. 

That's my goal and I'm publishing it.  Weekly trips to the grocery store for the meal plan.  Daily blogging, for now.  Daily calorie tracking.  Daily weigh-ins.  Keep it simple.  I'm 49 years old, the weight will be harder to lose, but it can happen if I am motivated and BELIEVE.  Doesn't sound much like me.  But it is me tonight.