July 19, 244.5

Okay, I've definitely been undereating lately. On one hand, I don't consider that success - it's not the plan to undereat. On the other hand, hey, it's good not to be a slave to your tummy. I guess I'm just tired and running out of food. I don't seem to have enough tomatoes or cottage cheese to finish out this week. I think that today I'm going to finish off the day off-plan and go to that British restaurant and see if it's open. Even if it will be pricey.

Speaking of pricey - I decided also to switch from the Glycemic Index Plan at ediets.com to the Seasonal Diet, Summer Version. I'm treating myself to a lot of fruit this week - I luuuv fruit so that's cool. I went off the Glycemic Index Plan one week so far, and did the "Mediterranean" plan which allows for a glass of wine with dinner. I was a little worried that the foods would make me hungry and craving, but I was fine. Now I'm a little concerned with this diet that I won't be satisfied, but I'm gonna try it anyway, for a change, for a lark. Because It will be cool to eat Grape Nuts cereal and pudding and cream cheese.

This morning I grabbed what I thought were my jeans that my roommate had left outside the dryer. When I put them on, though, I thought, "Oh, they did shrink in the dryer" but then realized they weren't my jeans, they were hers. The tag said size 22. They were too short for me and tight, but they fit. The size 22s I wear now are baggy now. I'm surprised that my roomie and me both wear the same size pants. We've very different shapes. She is about a foot shorter than me (seems like maybe more?) and she doesn't have the belly I have, though her butt and legs are bigger.

I just did a photo session with some progress pictures, so I put on my old size 24 jeans to make a comparison. While those jeans are ballooning around my pelvis and legs (which they did a little bit even then, I think) the waist doesn't show much difference. The waistband still pretty much fits. You know that trick where you hold the waistband out from your tummy to show how much weight you've lost? Mine didn't show much difference. I just have to trust that it's going to go away eventually.

I'll post pictures as soon as I can upload them from my camera.

My tough week is over. My legs are tired of climbing ladders. I'm taking a couple days' break.

Oh, my roommate asked me yesterday if I felt healthier now that I've lost 40 pounds. I don't, really, not to speak of. I haven't been on an exercise program so much as a diet program. My energy level feels about the same, my strength feels about the same, my stamina feels about the same. About the only health difference I feel is that I don't seem to weigh as much when I'm climbing stairs. Mostly the difference I feel is not in my quality of health but feeling smaller in my clothes, not rubbing up against myself the same way, being able to bend over and cross my legs and fold up into a ball on the couch. I've lost fat, not gotten healthier. They're not the same thing. People don't realize that. They're statistically related, but they are separate things. I've always been pretty healthy - as healthy as many skinny people I know. I mean, I've been young, after all.

Unlike many bloggers, my dieting isn't about my health, really. If it were health I were concerned about, I'd be exercising more. Instead, I'm focusing on my caloric intake, my meal ingestions, to lose fat for the sake of my appearance. So as not to look hideous in photographs, or in the mirror, or in society. In my twenties, I did diet and exercise, but mostly exercise. Exercising got me healthy, but I didn't necessarily lose my weight. I just got to be a healthy 245-pound woman. The exception to this could be when I was running. My body was really responding to the running, changing shape and functionality. Running was tough but it was exhilarating to meet the challenge, and then to reap the benefits. God, I'd love to run again.