July 24, 240.2

Okay, I've transitioned myself to nocturnal for work, so that pushes my weigh-in and eating schedule back. I weighed myself at 7pm and was just a hair above 240. My weight loss has been crazy this week. 5 pounds in one week. 10 pounds in 2 weeks! I almost feel like I can feel it with my hands on my belly.

Honestly, that much weight loss makes me little uncomfortable. For one thing, I haven't done anything in particular this week to deserve it. I haven't even exercised - not even to take a walk. In fact, I begin to feel like I am losing more weight because I'm not exercising. I've always liked being strong and healthy - it would be interesting if I traded in my strength for slenderness. I can imagine I would go for it, "Yes, make me slender and frail for once in my life."

So, no, frailty is not to be sought after.

I am having some health problems this week that are making me nervous. I would love to go to the doctor, but not having health insurance keeps me away, because what if they discover something I can't afford? I've been looking into getting health insurance, though I'd have to pay for it as an obese person at my current weight.

In a few months I'll be just overweight!

Those of you who commented my progress pictures, thanks for saying you can see the difference. Would you believe it, I can't. Well, not much! However, now I stand in front of the mirror, or look at myself from the front and think - "That woman doesn't need to lose weight, she looks perfectly fine." But the view from the side and back change my mind - from the back I still look kind of hulking, from the side, dumpy.

My first long-term goal has been 220 and I'm getting to the point where I can see it on the horizon. 220 is coming. My plan was to hang out at 220 for a while and see how I felt about it, try to maintain, try to live off-plan, and let my body reset its "set point." Meanwhile, I'd decide whether I wanted to lose more weight.

I've called this blog "For Real This Time" because the weight is really coming off this time and I'm really dedicated for the long haul this time. This isn't a wish anymore, it's for real! And it is, it's really happening. I get inspired my some other blogs where a person has gone from obese to slender and I try to see myself that way. I've been able to see I'm going to want to go past 220. At 285, 220 would be a dream, the answer to all my prayers. At 220, BMI still calls me obese. I'd have to get down to 200 to be just overweight. I look at my arms and I know I want them to be thinner. My upper back could exude more femininity. I want to see my face when I'm thinner. This is all not to mention my belly - I've been down to 207 before and my naked body pretty much looked the same - just deflated and sad. 190 or 180 calls to me as a next step after 220. That will take me into the holiday season - Challenge!

Anyway, tomorrow's my official weekly weigh in and it looks to be amazing, even though it makes me nervous to have lost all that weight in one week. Now I'm probably just headed for another plateau, and plateaus are worse than anything!! I'd rather just celebrate 2-3 pounds each week.

Inspired by FatFreeMe I ordered a belly dance DVD. I'm curious to see if it helps pull my belly in.